Who is this Sam oh Sam?

One of the kinks of owning a new cell phone (and number) are the random calls for the previous owner. I’ve been fielding anything and everything for an anonymous “Sam”, doing my best to be polite to let them know that “Sam” no longer has this number. Recently I received yet another text for “Sam” inviting her to a surprise birthday party.

I just couldn’t resist.

What follows is our conversation–word for word:

B-day surprise tester (we’ll call her Jeanette)

Sam, fyi, this surprise is for MOM, from Jeanette . . . Joyce’s B-day is Friday . . . she said she has never had a cake nor a party for her b-day . . . well she will have one so come on by and help celebrate Fri around 7


I have electrolysis at 7. What about 8?


We’ll still be at the house, come when you can.


Can I bring the cat!


I’m afraid of cats!!


Oooops. I meant that as a question. My fingers are swollen from picking out cans from garbage dumpsters.


Ok, but still afraid . . .


It only has 3 legs

and I just dewormed it


Eeeeeee . . . even worse!


Tell me about it. There was one worm 5 feet long.


I’m confused!! U talking bout 3-legged cat, for real.

No cat.


Ok. Will have to put it in the fridge till I get back.

How do you feel about parakeets?


Ok, u got me . . . ha ha!!


I can bring a cake with a real parakeet topper.

Mom told me she liked birds but I don’t know if she was just talking about eagles or not.


We got the cake, thx.


Did u invite mom’s taxidermist?




Y not? Too stiff?

He did wonders with my cat.

Although he did have to wait for it to thaw out.

When I didn’t hear from the B-day surprise texter for over an hour I decided to come clean. I didn’t want to ruin some woman’s very first surprise b-day party. That and I was afraid I’d receive a random text 2 days later filled with expletives. So I sent the following:


btw–you’d better text Sam’s new number to invite her. She no longer has this number. 🙂


Ok, thanks!

I wonder . . . am I still invited to the party?

Published by Ramona Siddoway

Ramona Siddoway is a nonfiction and cozy mystery writer who specializes in snark. Known as a hippy conservative she loves Renaissance Festivals, supporting veterans, crocheting, gardening, homesteading, her hubby, 8 chickens, 2 dogs, and 1 calico cat. (Not necessarily in that order.)

3 thoughts on “Who is this Sam oh Sam?

  1. Hahahahaha that is hilarious!!! I can’t believe that that lady was so nice about it too. I would be like “Ok crazy person…” if I were her. So glad you milked it though.

    By the way, you should probably change the font when you aren’t doing the texting. That way you can differentiate between the convo and your thoughts better. 🙂

  2. You are the funniest woman in the world!!! Hahahaha! I love reading you, I will read you all the time. Please post more. And leave a “comment” button where I can find it.


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